On Red Dress Day, I think of my sister and other loved ones taken from us too soon

Curt Sanderson · for CBC First Person

· Posted: May 05, 2025 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 10 minutes ago

This First Person file is written by Curt Sanderson, a 41-year-old begetter from Saskatoon. For much accusation astir First Person stories, see the FAQ.

I couldn't halt looking toward the main highway. My knees were anemic and my rima was dry.

Any moment, determination would beryllium a acheronian grey hearse turning the country toward the tiny municipality Saskatchewan assemblage hall. 

I couldn't grip the dread of seeing my 24-year-old sister successful a casket.

I began to consciousness faint arsenic the hearse pulled up to the beforehand of the building. The ceremonial unit unloaded the casket and dilatory carried it into the hall.

Three days earlier, I was surviving my champion summertime life. I was 19, and I had graduated from precocious schoolhouse the twelvemonth prior. I was preparing for my archetypal time of book assemblage erstwhile my ma burst into my chamber to archer maine Cindy was successful an accident. 

I was not acceptable for immoderate of this. 

A bittersweet time for Indigenous peoples

My caput goes backmost to that clip each Red Dress Day, a nationalist time of consciousness for missing and murdered Indigenous women, girls and two-spirit radical (MMIWG). 

On this day, I deliberation astir my Cindy and our puerility increasing up successful Mont Nebo, Sask. We lived successful a tiny location with nary furnace oregon moving water, but we were loved, which made up for a lot.

Cindy became a parent erstwhile she was a teenager. She tried hard to supply for her lad and daughter. Birthdays were ever a large woody for her. No substance however overmuch she was struggling, she enactment connected a enactment for her kids, truthful they would cognize however peculiar they were.

She was an intelligent, funny, loving and resilient young pistillate — omniscient beyond her years — who, contempt everything beingness threw astatine her, ne'er stopped trying to amended herself. Whether she was going backmost to schoolhouse oregon moving to flooded addiction, she was ever striving to determination forward. 

On the evening of Aug. 31, 2002, she had been retired walking with her fellow successful Prince Albert, Sask., erstwhile a 43-year-old antheral successful a pickup motortruck began pursuing and yelling radical slurs astatine them. There was an altercation that led to Cindy being dragged beside the truck. She mislaid her equilibrium and fell underneath the tires.

She was taken to the hospital, wherever she died aboriginal that morning.

The proceedings process was a traumatic acquisition for our family. The antheral who deed her was charged with transgression negligence causing death, impaired driving, and driving with a humor intoxicant level implicit the ineligible limit.

During the trial, Cindy was painted successful a antagonistic airy and blamed for her ain death. The justice told the antheral that helium was definite helium was a bully antheral who conscionable had 1 atrocious night.

The antheral connected proceedings was yet sentenced for unsafe driving and failing to stay astatine the country of the accident. He would service conscionable implicit 2 years successful situation for my sister's death.

So galore Indigenous families person a Cindy — a loved sister oregon girl who went missing oregon was killed. Sadly, determination is thing unsocial astir what happened to her.

The time of the funeral 

That eventual proceedings and sentencing were acold from my caput connected the time of my sister's funeral. 

I stood anxiously arsenic the ceremonial manager acceptable up the casket astatine the beforehand of the country and opened the lid. He stepped aside, and determination she was. There was an audible gasp successful the room.

I person ever been a calm, reserved and self-conscious person, but that was 1 clip successful my beingness wherever I wholly mislaid each composure.

When I rallied the courageousness to basal astatine the casket, I made definite it was a little look. She was wearing a pretty, airy bluish dress. I stood determination for a infinitesimal earlier walking outside.

The beauteous dusk September prima was shining down connected Mont Nebo, contempt the sorrow that existed successful that small assemblage hall.

I person a fond representation of the thrust to the cemetery, listening to the Elvis Presley song, "Long, Black Limousine," astir the small-town ceremonial of a miss killed successful an mishap successful the city. I vividly retrieve sitting successful the beforehand spot erstwhile we passed by our abandoned puerility location arsenic the opus played. 

"There's a agelong enactment of mourners, driving down our small street. Their fancy cars are specified a show to see…."

Did it really hap that way? I can't beryllium sure. But erstwhile I deliberation backmost to that moment, I'm reminded of the words of a omniscient Dene elder who said, "Sometimes erstwhile things are bad, our spirits susurration stories to our minds to assistance america beryllium happy."

After the interment, we arrived backmost astatine the hallway for the past meal. I lingered connected the beforehand steps, waiting for something. I could perceive everyone wrong talking and eating supper.

I looked to my close toward Ahtahkakoop Cree Nation, earlier shifting my eyes backmost to the absorption of the highway, but determination was cipher coming.

The finality of everything deed maine astatine that moment. I began to recognize that I was ne'er going to see my sister again.

Her beingness had been stolen from her. A parent had been stolen from her children. Her emotion had been stolen from each of us.

I opened the beforehand doorway and walked into the hall. I closed the doorway connected my aged beingness and entered a new beingness without my sister, little loved than I was before.

Crisis enactment is disposable for anyone affected by these reports and the contented of missing and murdered Indigenous radical done a nationalist 24-hour hotline astatine 1-844-413-6649. 

Health enactment services specified arsenic intelligence wellness counselling, community-based enactment and taste services, and immoderate question costs to spot elders and accepted healers are disposable done the authorities of Canada. Family members seeking accusation astir a missing oregon murdered loved 1 tin entree Family Information Liaison Units.

Do you person a compelling idiosyncratic communicative that tin bring knowing oregon assistance others? We privation to perceive from you. Here's more info connected however to transportation to us.