Talking to strangers online helped me feel less lonely. But I was sliding toward disaster

RaeAnne Ellert · for CBC First Person

· Posted: Nov 06, 2025 4:00 AM EST | Last Updated: November 6

This First Person nonfiction is the acquisition of RaeAnne Ellert, who lives successful Regina. For much accusation astir CBC's First Person stories, delight see  the FAQ. 

I was lying connected my furniture with my laptop 1 evening erstwhile a caller person petition popped up connected Skype. I didn’t cognize who it was, but I accepted retired of curiosity and a emotion of gathering caller people.

Let’s telephone this alien Mark. He instantly sent maine a connection and we started chatting astir life.

Maybe this unsolicited person petition should person rung an alarm doorbell successful my mind. 

When I was a kid, my ma and dada had rules astir chat rooms, informing maine astir the dangers of talking to strangers. I did perceive for the archetypal small while, but erstwhile I was 13, I started sending emails to musicians, their partners and their management. I loved it erstwhile they responded, peculiarly since it was a conflict to link with my peers successful the existent world.

What you should cognize astir maine is that I was calved with a uncommon familial mutation — truthful uncommon it doesn’t person a sanction and is lone known arsenic duplication 10p12.33p11.23.

My disablement makes it hard for maine to multitask and it takes maine longer to bash things. I person a abbreviated stature, mediocre dexterity and get overwhelmed easily. Like galore neurodivergent kids, I was perceived arsenic different, and I had a hard clip making friends. I loved listening to tunes, but my peers said my sensation was “old radical music,” which near maine feeling excluded. 

Ellert, centre, has maintained online interaction with respective instrumentalist friends implicit the years, including Mike Plume, left, and Joel Stewart, right. She yet met them some successful idiosyncratic astatine a performance successful Regina successful 2024. (Submitted by RaeAnne Ellert)

At the clip Mark sent maine that person request, I was successful my 20s and surviving successful a tiny municipality and had go socially isolated. My relationships with the musicians I’d corresponded with implicit the net were a lifeline astatine that point. A instrumentalist named John from Toronto turned retired to beryllium a person I truly needed.

When I told John astir the person petition connected Skype, John instantly got backmost to maine saying determination were informing signs the alien was a scammer and to artifact him close away. 

“But helium ne'er asked for money,” I wrote.

Mark and I had lone spoken for an hr astatine that point.  

“That’s however they work. They volition beryllium precise affable to you, past inquire you for money,” John said. 

Trusting John, I promptly blocked the alien and kept the acquisition to myself. I was confused and embarrassed, but  I was grateful that John had my champion interests astatine heart.

I couldn’t spot the irony successful the moment, successful the information that similar a scammer, I myself had spent years messaging radical I didn’t know.

In the depths of my isolation and depression, astatine 1 constituent I pushed things excessively far, continuing to nonstop messages to a instrumentalist adjacent though he’d told maine to stop. I caused irreparable harm earlier realizing however severely I’d messed up and backing off. I learned a batch astir grace and forgiveness done that situation. 

Ellert recovered joyousness successful attending unrecorded euphony events aft moving to Regina, including its yearly Swamp Fest. Here she poses with the festival's mascot, TAB (Toxic Algae Blob). (Submitted by RaeAnne Ellert)

When I perceive stories astir scammers, I wonderment however idiosyncratic could autumn for them. Then I retrieve however I mightiness person been casual prey for a scammer myself. I unrecorded connected $1,500 a period successful provincial and national assistance. Desperation tin bash immoderate chaotic things to a person. Just similar loneliness can. 

But I recovered a mode through.

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My enactment workers had been encouraging maine to get retired more, and I started travelling to Regina to be euphony festivals and shows. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I moved and made the metropolis my home. 

My satellite opened up, being capable to spot unrecorded euphony and my favourite section bands and musicians play. I met different writers arsenic good arsenic others who were neurodivergent similar maine and adjacent wrote a publication astir increasing up with a disability.

While attending a performance past March, I looked astir and saw truthful galore acquainted faces — radical I’d met implicit the years since moving to Regina. As the euphony played, I noticed everyone enjoying it together. At that moment, I felt similar I genuinely belonged.

I besides inactive support successful interaction with John. Although we haven’t met successful idiosyncratic yet, I inactive clasp retired anticipation that we volition 1 day. Until then, I’ll support listening to his music. I astir mislaid religion successful radical respective times successful my life, but John was among those that taught maine genuine connections are retired determination — you conscionable person to enactment to find them.

Scammers look for vulnerability, but truthful bash bully people; the quality is that the bully ones give, not take.

I've learned done these experiences to enactment cautious, enactment kind, and astir importantly, enactment hopeful.

Do you person a compelling idiosyncratic communicative that tin bring knowing oregon assistance others? We privation to perceive from you. Email [email protected] to larn more.