Why more Canadians are getting divorced later in life

Marcus Medford-Kerr · CBC Radio

· Posted: May 04, 2025 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 10 minutes ago

When Marnie Wraith looked astatine her narration and asked herself if bully capable was capable for her, she knew she needed a change.

"I needed a recalibration of my beingness based conscionable connected my needs," she told The Current big Matt Galloway. 

Wraith and her common-law spouse met erstwhile she was 50, a fewer years aft her archetypal divorce. They bought a location successful Meaford, Ont., and spent their escaped clip travelling. She says they had a bully 8 years together, but she felt determination was much beingness to experience.

"I was coasting and I felt that I wasn't growing, and being astir 60, determination were inactive much meaningful connections and adventures successful beingness that I wasn't going to get successful my situation," she said.

Wraith's breakup is what immoderate telephone a "grey divorce", erstwhile radical aged 50 and implicit split. Canada's divorcement complaint deed a 50-year debased successful 2020 but the complaint of grey divorces has been rising for decades, according to Statistics Canada. 

Data shows the mean property of the joined colonisation is expanding due to the fact that younger Canadians are choosing common-law unions alternatively of marriage. The mean property of the wide colonisation is besides aging.

In 1986, the mean property radical got joined was astir 25, with marriages lasting for astir 13 years connected average. In 2020, the mean mates got joined astir 31 and stayed unneurotic astir 15 years.

"As we unrecorded longer, you're gonna spot a batch much divorces aboriginal successful life," says Toronto-based lawyer Jared Grossman.

Grossman, of Grossman Family Law, says grey divorces volition proceed to summation implicit time, due to the fact that radical person little responsibilities to woody with - similar school-aged kids oregon jobs - erstwhile they're older.

"When the kids permission the house, you person the quality to beryllium a small spot much selfish and truly person that look wrong of you and spot what you truly wanna bash with life," Grossman said.

Grossman reminds clients that staying successful an unhappy narration is ne'er worthy it. Despite the accidental to marque antithetic choices aft a narration ends, Grossman says that modulation could beryllium difficult. 

"Anxiety, fear, I deliberation that's what truly stamps a grey divorce," Grossman said.

Reassessment successful grey divorce 

People thin to consciousness little definite of themselves arsenic they age, says Andrew Sofin, president of the Canadian Association for Couple and Family Therapy.

Sofin says immoderate older adults commencement to see divorcement aft the decease of a loved 1 due to the fact that they commencement reasoning astir their mortality. He says immoderate couples had precise blessed marriages and families, but find themselves successful a narration that feels antithetic aft kids determination retired and careers end. 

Issues similar slump oregon alcoholism tin creep into people's lives and pb couples to blasted each other, Sofin adds.

"This is worldly that's been piling up similar grains of sand, usually for decades," said Sofin, who has been a couples therapist for implicit 30 years.

Sofin says galore couples are preoccupied by the demands of their household oregon their careers. When those demands easiness and they person clip to reassess, immoderate take to interruption up to find their ain happiness successful their remaining years.

He says 1 of the biggest changes he's noticed is the summation successful issues related to the outgo of living.

And sorting retired the fiscal presumption of a separation tin complicate a grey divorce. For example, Wraith had to bargain her erstwhile spouse retired of their mortgage.

Grossman says it's often challenging to find the existent worth of assets purchased years ago, but the biggest contented helium faces moving connected grey divorcement cases is spousal support.

"You're going to person radical separating who've been unneurotic 30, 40 years and they've been relying connected 1 income. When they separate, that income whitethorn not beryllium there, specifically if you're dealing with retirement," Grossman said.

Life aft grey divorce

Sofin says women thin not to question different matrimony post-divorce, whereas men will, particularly if they person money. He says successful the aftermath of a grey divorce, galore women's main interest is fiscal information and stability.

"They'll say, 'Well, that's it. I'm unsocial now. I don't privation to enactment value connected my children oregon siblings,'" helium said.

Instead, Sofin says immoderate women make groups of friends and different divorcees that question oregon unrecorded together. Sofin says radical are often tense astir pursuing what they truly want, particularly women who've been socialized to enactment others' needs up of their own. 

LISTEN | What we larn astir matrimony — erstwhile it ends: 

He argues that men are much apt to say, "I'm not happy. I privation thing different." But erstwhile women do, they're called selfish.

Adam Terpstra, psychotherapist and objective manager of Yukon Counselling and Psychotherapy, says what's often labelled arsenic selfishness is truly a displacement toward self-prioritization. Terpstra says this is steadfast and rejects the conception that it's selfish. 

"Because of the pejorative quality of the connection selfish oregon selfishness, it doesn't accurately bespeak the spot that it takes to centre your affectional truth," helium said. 

"I promote patients to reframe this arsenic cultivating oregon pursuing much clarity, much self-compassion, much self-respect, alternatively than having immoderate motivation failure."

Terpstra says this intelligence reframing is simply a batch of enactment and tin beryllium uncomfortable, but it tin besides beryllium incredibly rewarding.

"I'd promote radical to presumption that fearfulness not arsenic a halt sign, but arsenic an invitation," helium said.

Wraith present has a campervan she's arrogant she tin run alone, and plans to bash much solo travel. She's mindful of stigma and limiting beliefs astir divorcement and says she feels similar her beingness has much meaning now. 

Wraith's proposal to anyone who feels similar they're missing retired connected opportunities is to enactment similar a teen who has more clip than responsibilities, but much grey hair.

"Try to instrumentality that informing portion disconnected and proceed with your dreams. This is the clip of beingness wherever you can," said Wraith.